Airport Blues

I am sitting in an airport writing this and I find that I’m sad. I should be happy because I’m actually flying home tonight to be with my wife rather than having to wait until tomorrow to see her. I am definitely looking forward to being at home with her and hopefully getting a good nights sleep in my own bed. Still I am sad. I’m not entirely sure why I am sad but I believe it may have something to do with the person and environment that I’ve been in for the last 24 hours. I’ve spent the last couple of hours with someone whom I’m pretty sure is does not know Jesus Christ. Based on some of the things that we’ve discussed and I’ve heard over the last couple hours compared to what the Bible say’s a Christian life looks like, I’m pretty certain of this fact. The problem is, I really like this guy. I know that my heart contains a lot of the love that Christ imparted to me for this man. He is not much older than I am and could very well be me if a couple difficult life choices had gone differently.
I’ve found that God has given me a gift that makes some people comfortable enough to open up to me and tell me their stories. Personal things that to be honest, I sometimes cannot believe they would trust me enough to hear. Not that I’m judging their deeds but that they would be willing to share such intimate details while barely knowing me is sometimes shocking. Twice in the last two weeks I’ve experienced personal conversations with people that I’ve known only on a business level. It may have something to do with my personality or it could just be that sometimes our burdens are just too hard to bear alone. It’s as if the act of sharing with someone, actually helps someone to feel as if they are no longer by themselves. In both cases I know their lives could be different if only their relationship with God were different. In one of those cases, I was able to share this good news with that person. Today though, I sit in the airport not having been able to share the same good news with the other. I’ve been sitting here examining the difference in the two situations and wondering if there was anything I could have done differently. Maybe… maybe not. I never felt the Holy Spirit leading me to get very far into a spiritual conversation with this person. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t miss something along the way but at this point I don’t think that I did. I think that sometimes people are receptive to hearing the gospel and then there are times when they are not. I think of the passage in Matthew 13 about how Jesus did not do many miracles in his hometown because of their lack of faith. I tried to stay open and not miss any big opportunities but in the end, I prayed silently at meals, talked about my blessed marriage and tried to just let him know that someone cared and was there to listen. I wanted to say that maybe that is all that God wished me to share but it goes deeper than that thought. To say that I missed a big opportunity or didn’t get an opportunity is in a way, taking away the importance of doing the small things. It’s often the small things that make the most difference. At the time we may not even realize how big a role that plays in the kingdom, but over time even the tiny mustard seed grows into a plant. It’s almost as if I’m saying I have to do something great before Jesus can work in someone’s life. This is in direct contradiction to what John says about my decreasing so that He may increase. The bottom line is that it’s not about me or some elegant speech about how God has changed my life. It’s about my obedience to God and allowing him to work in all areas of my life so that He can reveal himself through me. I think that I just need to focus on being whom God created me to be, doing what He created me to do and allowing Him to do the rest. I think that is why our own relationship with Jesus Christ is so important. It’s through that relationship that we learn how to be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit. It’s that leading that allows us to be what He would have us to be and then we open ourselves up to the works that he can do in our lives and in the lives of others. We tend to forget that it is Jesus that changes our lives and not our lives that change others for Jesus.

I am sad today because one of His sheep has become lost. He is wandering around in the wilderness that we call life and there are many others like him. My prayer today is not that God would use me to change this man, but that Christ would change me so that all those who have become lost can see His glory.

(Matthew 18:12-14 Amplified):
What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray and gets lost, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountain and go in search of the one that is lost? And if it should be that he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices more over it than over the ninety-nine that did not get lost. Just so it is not the will of My Father Who is in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost and perish.