Be Prepared

There must be something in the water because this week I have another confession… I’m scared. I’m actually afraid of a lot of things but one of my biggest fears is of failure. When I think about the spiritual gifts that God has given me and start thinking about what that means God has called me to do, then one of the first things that happens to me is a barrage of questions. Question like; Why me? Am I good enough? Do I have enough knowledge? What if I’m not hearing God correctly? These questions then lead to more questions and a lot of self doubt. I think that this is probably right where Satan wants me… doubtful, confused and afraid. If you look at those questions above then it’s pretty easy to see that they all have a common theme. Ever single question has the word “I” in it. The thing that I have to continually remind myself is that it is most often not about me! So… where am I headed with this?

One of the biggest questions or fears about failure that I have is that I won’t have anything to say. I’ve sort of made a commitment to myself and allowed myself to feel like I’ve made a commitment to each of you that I send you one of these e-mails every week. Now, that doesn’t seem like much in the beginning but when you look at the bigger picture then that is fifty-two e-mails a year. This then leads me to even more questions; like why am I even doing this? Is it for my pride? Is it for your encouragement? Is it really for God? I know that some of you receive encouragement from these e-mails and for that I am grateful. I can also be prideful and allow myself to seek encouragement or accolades from you concerning these thoughts. These things aside, I like to think that most of the time I do this because it’s something that God has called me to do. I realized early on that God was giving me different thoughts and speaking to me in ways that could be encouraging to not only myself, but also to others. I had also begun to realize that God had given me certain gifts to use for the glory of His Kingdom but I didn’t feel as if I was utilizing these gifts to their fullest. Then one day, I was reading something that I had written and the thought for these e-mails occurred to me. I felt the desire to share them with those I loved and I had come to a point in my life where I needed the accountability. I knew that sending an e-mail of this type would lead to a type of commitment that would “force” me into spending more time writing. I had also sought godly counsel from my pastor about God’s calling on my life and he advised me to practice my writing. So here we are today and I’m facing the question; How will I ever find enough to say over the next 52 weeks that will encourage you and also bring glory to God?
Sitting in our Church service this morning I stumbled across a note in my bible that my wife had written to me during one of our small group lessons. It was short and simple saying only “after song lead us in prayer”. I looked at that note this morning and it was easy to hear God speaking to me about my calling. One of the things that struck me was that in order to pray in a moment’s notice I had to be prepared ahead of time. In the case of prayer, that means that I have to have a good prayer life when no one else is looking. I have to grow accustomed to talking to God and that only comes from spending time with him on a regular basis. I believe it to be the same with my writing and speaking. I have to be prepared, I need to fill my heart and mind with the things of God so that when he chooses to speak to me, I can clearly hear his voice. I must also remember the words given to us from Paul in Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” I might have doubt, I might even find myself slipping away or being pulled in a different direction and I might be weary but I cannot give up. I have to keep pursuing the things that I feel God wishes me to pursue.
Lastly, I have to make time for opportunities for God to use me. I’m writing this from my living room on a Sunday afternoon. The funny thing is that on a normal Sunday afternoon, I would be going crazy to get home and spend some time playing xbox. Sunday’s are my wife’s day to take a nap so they are the perfect opportunity for me to get in some un-interrupted and guilt-free playing time. Today I woke with a renewed commitment to take some time to write my thoughts. What I found was that after I discovered that note this morning and began thinking about what I would write, my desire to sit and let God speak to me became greater than my desire for anything else (yes, even the xbox!). I think that as long as my desire to please God, continues to be greater than my fear of failure, that God will have much to say. I look forward to sharing those thoughts with you and I pray that you may find some encouragement through them. If not, then it doesn’t really matter because, (whisper) it’s not about you or me anyway.
Philippians 3:12 (The Message)
12-14I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.